Jealousy is a stingy cologne and I reek of it.

How did it come to this? In retrospect, last week was wonderful. Still back in Shanghai. I experienced so little stress (my only stress was the thought of being back in Singapore soon and the need to face reality soon) that it seriously went beyond, "Should I sleep or party with my housemates?" I should've known that such a pleasant set-up was a fleeting beauty.

Memories? Certainly. A lover? No, not here. No our roads won't meet. We are after all on parallel roads. I would lie to myself because this pain is good, it is like a friend. It forces reality onto me, keeps me still, and keeps me sane. What an irony, I know. The phrase "I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all" is very apt in my situation.

Let it be, let it be. I want to stop fighting with myself. I'm giving up on all of this.