A brutal and unsortable chaotic mess

"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open with the grace of a gentleman, not the grief of a child, and you begin to build all your roads on today, because tomorrow's ground too uncertain for plans, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flights. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you can really endure... That you are really strong, and you really do have worth. And you learn and learn... With every goodbye you learn." -- Veronica A Shoftstall

In retrospect, that one-hour long conversation I had on the phone with D made me realise that maybe I should adapt to be more taciturn and sparing in this relationship because what I was feeling was far overwhelming and consuming our love. Sensitive, I faced the constant struggle of rationalising that you were wrong and the seething urge to make you learn; teaching you how to love me. I guess I was wrong. These emotions are just too big for you to handle; they fill up the room, expanding and suffocating and pressing against all the corners. Alas, I know that you would grow tired of my constant paraxysms of fury, the need to be pacified and validated. So keeping mum would be good wouldn't it. My feelings of anger and hatred are unhealthy, afterall. 

You feel too much, but you bottle it all up; hidden words compounded in a deep labyrinthine till you feel compressed with every unsaid string of sentence. But you just can't share; every other sentence would be fuelled by some backdrop of sorrow contempt, envy, some element of you trying to get out for some notice; and people would be sick of you.