A few nights ago I had a brief Skype call with S and just like that, I have fallen into the deep abyss of misery again. The memories came flashing back like a huge wave of tsunami crashing onto shore - the impact so huge and so damaging. I feel like I want to scream but no words could come out of my mouth; I want to cry but no tears are falling from my eyes, I am so vexed. There is this dull ache in my heart and this emptiness I feel. To make matters worse, there seems to be nobody I could talk my problem to. Well, maybe nobody that cares enough to listen to my problem and provide a definite solution. Or so I presume.
I thought I was happy making use of money and alcohol to numb the pain. So why the ache when I saw S again? Why does it still hurt? I need somebody to provide me with a way to throw this emotional baggage away just so I can be happy again.
Sounds like a load of I-should-get-over-myself bullshit? I feel the same way.